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"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all." - Rodney Dangerfield

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy." - Steve Martin.

"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'." - Emo Philips.

"What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap." - James Agate

"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though." - Elton John.

"My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects." - Les Dawson

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." - Woody Allen

"Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property." - Napolean Bonaparte

"Direct thought is not an attribute of feminity. In this, women are now centuries behind man." - Thomas Edison

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. - Rodney Dangerfield

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. - Lynn Lavner

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - Camille Paglia

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. - Sharon Stone

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. - Jack Nicholson

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. - Barbara Bush

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. -- Robert De Niro

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? - Dustin Hoffman

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. - Jerry Seinfeld

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. - Robin Williams

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. - Swami X

Sex is the biggest nothing of all time. - Andy Warhol

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